Another day, another dollar

And whoopdidoo, it is finally Friday. Time to relax, or not...have to finish my friend's tax return, but then...sweet sleep times two or more. Dear God, I wish it was the end of October already. Really need to get out of here. Can't wait to move and naturally, half the people think I'm crazy, the other half wish they were me. As it happens in life, right??

This blog posting is really just to make time disappear. 5 o clock is just 20 minutes away, but 20 minutes too far!!! Whaaaaa, help!!! Make this day go away!!

Actually had a good day at work today. Trying to sort my table out, but maybe I should stop trying, you never win....

Anyway, time to log off and go home...finally!!!

The end of the world as we know it

OK, there folks, I'm back and (thankfully) still alive, only by the Grace of God...I have seriously been contemplating suicide lately, and I cannot find any reason for it except that I don't want to do this anymore, the struggling, the everything. But then again, I am sometimes seen as very morbid. I actually went to people's house the other so that they can pray for me, but now it seems everything is getting worse, especially from my Christian father. He is giving me hell. Some of it I deserve, but a lot of it I really don't. He can't blame me for his health and for the fact that they have babied me since I've been born. Come on, I just have to use a certain tone of voice and I get anything I want. But then, I want to take control, and I use another tone of voice and suddenly I am the spawn of satan himself.

If anyone out there is reading it, please, I need direction in a way that won't hurt the ones I hold so dear so greatly. Fuck, I am probably the most selfish and manipulative bitch in this country, or should I say Cuntry....hehehehehe. Well @ least the sense of humour still exists, but really, I don't know for how much longer I can keep on pretending to be semi-happy, semi-normal, and just in between with nothing of substance.

Oh hell, maybe I should jump in front of a train, but they are on strike...blimey the world really does not want to play along. Maybe I should stop playing by their rules and make up my own...I am just tired of half measures, and to be honest, it is all I have given in my life...the grapes of wrath, you reap what you sow...

Dear God, I am the most horrible human being on earth. For a killer kills, but I do it silently, and in the black corners of your mind. I am poison. As I said, but for the Grace of God, I do not deserve to live. I am worse than Judas.

Enough of feeling sorry for myself.

Bye.