OK, had to quote Keni on that one, hope he doesn't mind. Well, pic uploaded, and no, I'm not joking, that is what the psychothrapeutic centre in the middle of nowhere looks like.
I actually miss it, since its way safer there than in the real world. I've been having a tough time of it lately. I gets these images and thoughts about stuff that happened in the past and then suddenly I can't breathe or concentrate on anything, like a major panic attack. Afterwards I'm completely wrecked with guilt. I don't really understand it because if I think about the events rationally they are not that bad, nothing out of the ordinary. I just don't know where all this guilt is coming from.
I've been trying to run away from myself again. Sometimes I just feel like I can't cope with life, even though there is nothing happening in mine at the moment. Thank God, no suicide thoughts for more than a month now. Just not any good thoughts about living either. I can't picture my future, where I want to be, not even for next year. I know I need a job, but I'm not too bothered about that.
I'm not even gonna try to answer myself on these issues. I know I have to keep busy, doing constructive things, and I have amazing ideas of stuff to do in the garden and with my furniture (no it does not involve a chainsaw or wrecking ball) but I can't seem to get myself to even get started on it.
Apparently I'm suffering from major depressive disorder with high anxiety (with a little agoraphobia thrown in for good measure) and I could be borderline bipolar. This sorta makes me feel better, because at least it gives me an scientific explanation as to why these things are going on in my mind, but it doesn't solve them. Haha, it would probably help if I stop discontinuing my anti depressants all time. I don't make sense to myself, but hey, I don't make sense to anyone.
I have suddenly run out of thoughts. If I get any major epiphanies later on, I'll share them.
Ciao
