Reality

I did myself a favour today, I went through my inboxes and outboxes on both my email accounts as well as my phone. Not one of those two so-called friends ever sent me anything really encouraging. I hardly got phone calls. My outboxes were filled with messages to tell them to hang on and that I was thinking about them. Now I know I'm demanding and selfish, but I don't expect more from people than what I am willing to give. So here is the deal, they are leeches, they suck all the energy from me, without a backward glance as to how I am feeling, what I am going through.

So, fuck the guilt feelings!! I am better than the two of them combined, even when drunk...hiehie.

At least I have a grip on reality most of the time. As I said on facebook, I got rid of dem bad apples. And yes, he did sort of treat me like a whore, he just pretended to care, time I face that one.

And now I'm getting into bed, its freezing!!

A good thing...or maybe not?

I have written off two of my "friends". I just couldn't take the unsurity, abuse and neglect any more. And typical in my style, I now feel guilty, but deep down inside I know it was the right thing for my own mental health. I doubt they will ever understand, since I was extremely drunk when I did it, but I remember what I said and wrote. I really don't think friends treat each other the way we ended up all treating each other. Not as if I have no blame in this, but thats just one of the sad facts of life.

I mean, your best friend does not go skinny dipping with the man of your moment while you are sleeping. Its not right, and two naked adults are not an innoccent situation, no matter how much they try to convince me it was. And fact of the matter, how does one condom suddenly just disappear, I sure as hell was not involved in that one.

And on a completely different note...WHAAAAAAAA, I have 4 assignments due.

I should never have gone to Cape Town.

Letting go

Just read my last post, don't know if what I felt (feel) is so-called real love, but I have realised that just admitting to myself how I feel makes it easier to let it go. Such a contradiction and strange, but I can let go now, finally.

And not handling stress at work all that well. Not handling people all that well. Not even handling myself all that greatly. But hey, I'm still here, no suicides or attempts as of yet.

I am just tired tired tired and going to try to go to sleep now. Whoopee, it means I wake up at 12, 2 and 4, and then even more tired.

hmmm, think I need a serious all night party with litres of booze and all the nice things that go along with it....