This has been an akward day for me. I went to my meeting for the first time in about a month last night. It was really good. One guy shared his life story and it hit home quite hard, but also brought me back to my reality of alcoholism. It gave me hope and empathy again. And the strength to face the future.
But then today happened. My collegue was in a bad mood and took it out on me. Treated me like a child. I was overly sensitive and couldn't deal with it properly. My friend that usually listens to me is in such a deep depression that she can only think about herself and her problems. I am at the moment getting irritated with her which is such a bad thing for her. I just wish she would get up and do something physically to get her out of her rut. Sometimes even I don't completely comprehend severe depression, even though I suffer from it as well.
Maybe my alcholism makes me see life differently, or maybe I judge outsiders differently than myself. i can be very harsh on myself, but at times I can also be completely ignorant about any faults I may have.
It's difficult to want to say to someone get off their ass and clean the place themselves, even if it is a little at a time, than bitch about the fact that you don't have money to pay a maid to do it. I've started feeling like she's been hinting that I should pay for the cleaning. I know this is not the case, but when someone carries on and on and on about the same shit the whole time, and when it is shit they can fix, it drains you.
Don't get me wrong. I love her to bits. She has stood by me through thick and thin and still does. I will never jeopordise our friendship, and I try to do what I can. But there is only so much a person can do. I'm basically blowing off steam.
I'm exhausted and don't want to think anymore.
xxx
