So, I am getting a little more positive. Nothing is really in place in my life but I am feeling better. I have a little list in my head of things that I desperately need to do. Number one on this list is that I cannot leave Windhoek before the end of the year. I have registered for my last subjects and I need to pass them with good marks and moving somewhere else will not benefit this.
I also desperately need to get a job for this time to pay off all my debt as well as save money to move to SA. This is probably the most difficult part. Getting a job is not the easiest of things these days. I konw I work hard and well, but damn, I get so bored!! And I have a tendency to completely fuck up all the good things in my life. I know the reasons behind this, but at my age it is VERY difficult to completely change your outlook on life and change your actions accordingly.
Haha, I started excercising as well. Now this is funny. My first week was great, but come the second week, I seem to have lost all energy. OK, I still go through it, but man oh man, its difficult. Ah, the rewards at the end will make it worthwile, but everything else looks so much better than the treadmill.
I've also lost a couple of friends, got some old ones back, and made some brand new ones. I must say, realisticly, the friends I've lost I'm better off without. But me, being hyper sensitive, will always feel guilty, just like I feel guilty when someone else is in a bad mood. Then I wonder what I have done wrong!! Even though I know I'm innocent. Aahh, well, the story of my dreadfully boring life.
I still can't figure out why I have all these great ideas but I cannot seem to start or follow through on them. Laziness??? Or am I so scared of success or being really good at something? Yay, the low self esteem peeking out there.
I also have to go for a follow up with the psychologists for a week. Now that is something I'm actually looking forward to. I just need to settle the date, since my bro is coming for a visit, and I suppose it will look bad if I'm not at home when he's here.
Anyhoo and anyhow, thats it in a nutshell.
