Finally the end of this year is in sight. This must have been the worst ever. There were good times, but, hell, the bad ones were hell.
I must concede that I have learnt a hell of a lot over the last say five months. I have lost a friend who I thought was a best friend. Turned out she was the worst friend who had a long knife in her hand to stick in my back. I have made some new friends, who I'm still getting to know, so I don't know to what level I can trust them yet, but that will come with time.
I have made peace with a lot of aspects of myself. The hatred I carried for myself isn't as strong anymore. That I think has got a lot to do with the fact that I don't drink anymore, which leads to lack of feelings of guilt. So even if in retrospect I have been unemployed for almost the whole year, got evicted from two places due to alcohol abuse and its effects, looked like shit, don't remember a lot, and generally behaved badly, I have learnt in rehab to forgive myself and I did, met nice people in AA, started looking after myself, rediscovered genuine laughter, learnt to take it one step at a time. I still get anxious and get cravings to drink, but its so much easier to cope with now that a lot of my emotional baggage is gone.
I just hope that 2011 brings me a fulfilling job with a fulfilling salary!!!
I do still hope to meet someone special, but all things in good time.
Well, now I am going to relax and enjoy the last couple of hours of this year and this decade.
Happy happy to all reading this
