I have realised (again) that the tentacles of addiction look good from a distance, are sneaky and once it has gotten hold of you, it does not want to let go. It causes distrust, alienation and a stream of other negatives with the promise of feeling good for a while. The next is worse, the guilt, the sadness, the self-hatred and self-doubt want to consume you to a point where the only escape you can think of presents itself in a bottle.
I desperately need to get out of these clutches. I am doing an extremely good job of fucking everything up that I have worked so hard to build up again.
I feel like I am in a dark alley, no way out, and I have trouble seeing the world as it is.
Anyone out there, please think of me and pray for me. I need more than I am willing to admit even to myself.
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