Although I'm really frightened to do this, I thind I should. I'm scared because putting it down on paper makes it even more real than when it's only running around in my head.
At this moment in time I'm very tense and scared. The tension I can understand to a certain extent. My future is a bit dicy at the moment. I don't know where I'm going after this job. I'm waiting on my exam results and once again I have that feeling of doing everything wrong the whole time.
I have no idea why I'm so overly sensitive. Someone can just look at me in a certain way and I'll either want to have a panic attack or burst into tears.
This past weekend was hell. I ended up crying myself to sleep almost every night. Ether is only so much loneliness one person can take. I think the worst was the realisation that OK, I won't turn to alcohol again, but I might start cutting myself or go into suicidal mode again. Having those thoughts and feelings whilst sober are quite honestly very terrifying.
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