FOOLS RUSH IN

This serves as an apology. Hopefully the right person will end up reading it.

I am a fool, for I do rush in where angels fear to tread. Instead of dealing with my own life and my own problems, I obsessed about something and someone out of reach. This not only hampered me on the road to recovery, but also set me back a couple of paces. I ended up falling into my old behaviour and thought patterns again, which was the thing that drove me to alcohol in the first place. This had nothing to do with you. It wasn't your fault. I am the one building castles in the sky, living outside reality, and refusing to take responsibility for my life. I am truly sorry if I ended up hurting you in this process of growing up.

I know you are going through your own trainload of emotional drama currently and the only thing I ended up being was the truly self-centred addict who can't see beyond their own agenda.

I will still be lonely, but that is my problem, I was grasping at the first thing available anyway. Not that you are not a great person, but I cannot even honestly think of a relationship at this moment. I am way to emotionally unstable. I also think my medication had an impact, but its not worth it going there. It will only look like I am once again trying to shift the blame.

I hope you can forgive me, and when you are well on your feet again, and if you want to, you are still welcome to come and visit. I hope I haven't completely fucked up our friendship. You are welcome to contact me. I am not going to contact you. I'm not going to play with friendship rejection, thats even worse than relationship-wise.

There is so must more I want to say, but then I will never end. Sorry for the melodramatics and diva behaviour.

And I do miss you. You are one of the few who I can really joke with!!