Was listening to the NBK soundtrack today and came across some REALLY great Nine Inch Nails songs as well as my old fave Leonard Cohen. I sometimes live my life through the lyrics of songs since they make complete sense to me as to where I am at that stage.
Take for instance NIN: "My favourite dreams of you still wash ashore, scraping through my head till I don't wanna sleep anymore. You make this go away, I'm down to just one thing and I'm starting to scare myself. You make this all go away, I just want something I can never have." Or Leonard Cohen: "Baby I've waiting, I've been waiting night and day. I didn't see time, and I've waited half my life away. But I was waiting for the miracle to come."
And no, I am not depressing myself listening to this. It is as if a weight gets lifted from my shoulders after listening to such music. The same effect as writing has on me.
Since I grew up in a house where emotions weren't really showed, I have learned to be able to live through music and books. Thank God I have a great imagination, especially for reading, the best hobby a person can ever have. I have also never learned how to acceptably show emotions. It is either too little or too much. I'm like a baby having to learn from scratch, but there is no one to help me and show me the way. And now my emotions are all over the place. I (want to say nearly, but that won't be true) became a sms stalker. Couldn't leave someone alone. Another thing on my list to be utterly ashamed of. I don't even want to think about it, I cringe at the idea. How low do I have to go?
Since it is Sunday, and we have had wonderful rain (again), I will be saying goodnight...and good luck. Hopefully the rains continue, so this desert of a country can have some green again (although the north is flooding...)
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