And then it was over. Easter weekend is gone and the rat-race starts again. It was sooooo great having my friend here!! The weekend was great, though filled with a lot of temptation, but I stayed clean and sober, did not order that gin and tonic I wanted so badly. Feel good about it now, but I am exhausted. Feels like I need a week of sleep, definately away from home...
Now here's the best part, the dark cloud, my dad is convinced that I fell off the wagon. When I went to the airport, he went through my room, to see if there is any hidden booze there. I know he has reason from past experience to distrust me, but this hasn't happened once since I've been back from rehab, or so he says, (I know he went through my car one day). His words say he trusts me, but he doesn't. Thank god my mom does.
I'm at this moment see-sawing between anger, disgust and disappointment. For a change not in myself. It hurts man. I don't know how to react to this. My mom mentioned something to him about him nagging me, and now he is a thundercloud storming through the house. I'm sick of his tantrums and manipulative behaviour. He makes me feel guilty even though I haven't done anything.
I seriously need some advice or help on how to deal with this. He is one of the people that can hurt me with just a look. The one person I've always wanted to be accepted by but never felt that I've quite reach the mark, no matter how well I did or what I did. I should let this go, but its difficult. Issues...and then more issues.
Can't even get depressed in solitude. Damn.
Anyway, now I got this out of my system. Hopefully I will feel better in the morning, or maybe even sooner.
1 comment:
Maybe your father just need some time to trust you again. In time, I think you will earn it. :) Don't give up!
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