Regrets

OK, so the previous entry was probably a bit extreme, but that was how I felt. I still feel like that, but I also realise that it is not realistic. I've lost my perspective a long time ago, don't know how to go about getting it back. There are a lot of things I've lost that I don't know how to get back.

Sometimes when I sit and think about things my life is one long road of regrets. Regrets about things I've done and things I haven't. I internalise too much, and take the blame for everything on myself. It probably has to do with my dad and how he treated me as a child, and as a matter of fact, still treats me. If someone's in a bad mood, I wonder what I've done wrong, or why they don't like me, etc. In 99% of the cases their attitude has got nothing to do with me. What do I have to do to stop being such a people pleaser?

I mean, for crying out loud, this cannot go on forever, I have to stop this cycle sometime, and the sooner the better. I just don't know how. Sad, isn't it.

I'm just extremely lonely today, and its always worse on Sundays, especially in winter. And also, I want to run away from myself. I don't want to face up to any truths about my so-called life. Not even the good things. I'm in limbo.

Anyway, I'm going to watch some tv, and hopefully sleep well and feel better tomorrow. We'll see.